A message from Techaro's founder, Edwin Allison

Published on 01/23/2024, 509 words, 2 minutes to read

An image of A forlorn business man resting his head on a brown wall next to a window.

A forlorn business man resting his head on a brown wall next to a window. - Photo by Andrea Piacquadio, source: Pexels

This post is a work of fiction. All events, persons, companies, and other alignment with observable reality are the product of the author’s imagination and are either purely coincidence or used in a fictitious manner. These serve as backdrops to characters and their actions, which are wholly imaginary. The company Techaro as depicted in these stories, does not exist and is purely a vehicle for satire and storytelling.

Today, Techaro co-founder and CEO Edwin Allison sent out this email to all Techaro employees:

Hey there Techaroos,

Today we’re taking a leap of courage to make Techaro an even better company for our customers. We hope that these changes will make us leaner and more able to accommodate the changing financial and technological environments and increase the quality of our execution.

Sadly, 10% of your fellow Techaroos (325 people) will have their employment permanently affected in this change. I take full responsibility for the decisions that lead us to go to this point, and we will be making process changes to ensure that such a situation does not repeat. Seeing so many people leave is something that you never want to have to do as a CEO, but I believe that with enough courage and determination, we can turn this into a momentary lapse of staffing and come out of it the other side better than how we came in.

We realize that we haven’t just let down your fellow Techaroos, we’ve let down their families. To help ease this transition, we will be complying with all relevant laws for the affected people and going above and beyond by:

Letting them keep their corporate laptops
Paying out all of their stock options as grants out of my bank account
Giving them the rest of the year’s worth of pay in one lump sum
Giving them COBRA benefits for healthcare for six months and going above and beyond by extending it to the rest of the calendar year should they need it
Mental health support through Sine should any Ex-aroos need it.

I’m so sorry that we have to deliver this news to you, this is something that we never wanted to have to do, but the unique conditions and challenges the economy has found itself in have forced our hand.

I have also cut my own salary by 10% so that I feel the sting too. If Techaroos are suffering, I must suffer too.

The CTO Elim Dansworth has also decided to move out of management and off of the board at Techaro to spend time with his family. Please give Ariel the time and space he needs to recover.

If you are affected by this, please stick around in Flack to say goodbye to your fellow Techaroos. All production access and changes have been locked for the day and access to HitGub has been frozen for everyone to ensure that this transition happens as peacefully as possible.

We're excited to see what we can do with all of you Techaroos and we have a unique opportunity to create a high quality product that all our employees will love. We hope that this change will put us on the path to profitability and make Techaro a fully independent industry leader. I feel confident in our ability to execute and built Techaro into the kind of company that will make us all as successful as possible.

Ad victoriam,

Edwin

Facts and circumstances may have changed since publication. Please contact me before jumping to conclusions if something seems wrong or unclear.

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